Brother asks for $100,000 to help with his custody battle despite his lawyer's insistence that he not: 'He also said there is no way he could pay it back'

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Apr 24, 2025 6:00 PM EDT

Unless that kind of money is pocket change to you, you'd be pretty darned foolish to let it go, especially when your brother's own lawyers have warned him against doing it. 

It's understandable to want to make a last-ditch attempt on the brother's part, but asking for $100k from family for what the people you'd be paying that money to assure you is a lost cause is just irresponsible. Can you imagine how bad the idea must be if your lawyer is asking you not to pay them to do it?

Besides, commenters are right, this isn't about him or his ex-wife as much as it is about the children, and he has a wrong of things by thinking that a "show of strength" might benefit him in some way. It's more likely that a "show of strength" might actually even lead the court to think that he has more financial wealth than the brother was leading on originally, and might actually make things worse for him overall. 

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    "AITA for refusing to give money to my brother to save his daughter ?"

    I refused to give $100,000 to my brother to fund his legal custody battle. AITA for this? My brother called out of the blue one day. We've been living in different countries for many years and we're often not in touch. He has been going through divorce and custody battle for a long time. The divorce is really ugly.
    via Eva_and_Logan
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    Both he and his ex wife are extremely similar being stubborn, argumentative and always right. They are both ex-army. So my brother asks for $100,000. Specifically, it's for the newest set of lawyers quote to conduct a last all out custody battle. He explains it like a military strategy and explains it's a last stand and about showing strength. According to his new lawyers it is completely un- winnable, not recommended, a waste of time and he is better off accepting the hard truth and saving the
    via Eva_and_Logan
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    I personally agree with the lawyers based on what I was told by my brother. Yet he insists it's the only thing left to do. He also said there is no way he could pay it back. My view was, if it's life or death then yes, but it's not, and it would only hurt everyone making this last stand.
    via Eva_and_Logan
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    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the ah le: I believe I may be the ah le because I refused to help my brother and give him money to help save his daughter. I may be the a hole because family should always help each other. But I feel I am helping him by stopping him from wasting his and my money on a lost cause.
    via Eva_and_Logan
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    anonaparent52 NTA does he mean "showing strength"? Custody is about the kids, not him. "According to his new lawyers it is completely un-winnable, not recommended, a waste of time and he is better off accepting the hard truth and saving the money" There is your answer. Save the money.
    via Eva_and_Logan
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    EmceeSuzy You are NTA for refusing to give the money but why did you write: 'to save his daughter'? To save her from what?
    via Eva_and_Logan
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    Big Wave9732 As a former divorce attorney, this was the right move OP. At one time or another I too had clients that denied the obvious and wanted to wage hopeless battles. Usually I tried to counsel them to negotiate for the good of the kids. If they refused then I'd often quote a *large* retainer in the hopes they couldn't/ wouldn't pay it and they'd either settle or go away and leave me alone. Offhand it sounds like this is what the attorneys have done with your brother and he's not getting t
    via Eva_and_Logan
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    If your brother wishes to use his resources to continue a battle he can't win, that's his prerogative. If you don't want to fund it, that's yours. NTA.
    via Eva_and_Logan
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    Fit_Base2089 Your brother wants $100,000 dollars from you to show his ex that he's a big, important man? That's psychotic. Custody isn't supposed to be a match; it's to determine what is best for the child(ren). He doesn't seem about his kid. to give a NTA
    via Eva_and_Logan
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    Next-Wishbone1404 NTA! This ain't cancer treatment! It's deciding where the best place a little girl should live, and nothing in your post makes it sound like a judge can't make a good decision about that right now. Save your money.
    via Eva_and_Logan
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    Eva_and_Logan OP I agree 100% with your thinking. And that thought process was my first too. But the lawyers are absolutely adamant that my brother will lose in court. Brother also agrees he would lose. So if that's a conclusion then the status quo of the kids location won't change and it's only down to money.
    via Eva_and_Logan

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family dynamics family drama marriage brother sibling rivalry siblings wife family feud husband divorce family
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